


John, I'm Only Dancing

by the_dala



Series: The Man Who Fell to Earth [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Dancing, First Kiss, M/M, Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 17:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5752525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_dala/pseuds/the_dala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It was Resistance tradition to christen a new base with music, dancing, and a lot of booze. Finn had been skeptical that the command staff would look the other way when there was so much to be done, but Poe swore up and down they considered it beneficial to morale.</i>
</p><p>  <i>“General Organa even showed up once,” he added with a wistful sigh. “It was awesome.” </i></p><p>In which Poe and Finn do not dance; and then they do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John, I'm Only Dancing

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been listening to a lot of David Bowie since his passing, and decided that a lot of his songs serve as excellent Stormpilot inspiration. This will be a series of linked fics around that theme (I've got six outlined right now, but there might be more).
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr as [the-dala](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/the-dala).

It was Resistance tradition to christen a new base with music, dancing, and a lot of booze. Finn had been skeptical that the command staff would look the other way when there was so much to be done, but Poe swore up and down that they considered it beneficial to morale.

“General Organa even showed up once,” he added with a wistful sigh. “It was awesome.” At this Finn had glanced over his shoulder to Jessika for confirmation, only believing it after she nodded. 

It seemed this party would not be one for the history holos - no generals or admirals or Wookiee war heroes in sight. But at least Finn had achieved a personal victory in convincing Rey to go. It wasn’t an easy task; she was having even more difficulty socializing than Finn had when he’d first arrived, and less motivation to learn. Finally he argued that they had relocated here in large part due to the intelligence she and Skywalker had delivered, and so she should at least put in an appearance.

“Fine,” Rey said, crossing her arms over her chest. “But I’m not drinking, dancing, or talking to anyone and I’m done in twenty minutes.”

“Deal,” Finn said. He considered asking if she had something else to wear and immediately dismissed the idea; they were already an hour and a half late and he didn’t feel like showing up with a black eye.

They made their way to the large circular chamber that would eventually serve as a mess hall once the base was fully up and running (meals consisted of protein packs at the moment, something Finn was used to but which had engendered many muttered complaints among his friends). Half a dozen sets of doors had spilled partygoers out into the night, though it remained warm even with the cross-breeze.

Finn was entirely unsurprised to spot Poe at the center of a knot of people in the middle of the dance floor. He could tell from Rey’s posture that any attempts to coax her out there would be rebuffed; she was already eyeing the nearest door. 

Fortunately Poe saw them and picked his way through the crowd to the little alcove Rey had chosen (no doubt because it put her back to the wall). He threw his arms around Finn with his usual enthusiasm and toned it down just a bit to hug Rey, who looked alarmed nonetheless.

“Hey, I was starting to get worried.” His cheeks were flushed, his shirt was clinging to his torso, and his hair somehow still looked perfect. “Come and dance!”

Finn glanced over at Rey, whose face was perfectly composed. He knew she would never ask him to stay.

“Maybe in a little while,” he demurred. It pained him to deny Poe anything, especially when he looked this lighthearted and disheveled, but he was gratified by the quick, bright smile Rey shot him.

Poe nodded as if he’d expected that. “At least let me get you a drink. Rey, d’you -”

“Too slow, Dameron.” Jess sidled up, bumping him with her hip. She held out a beer for Finn and offered a cup of something red to Rey. “It’s cavaberry juice,” she added when Rey hesitated. “I saw you grab some at breakfast the other day. Although there’s no shortage of options if you want to spike it.”

Rey took the cup and sipped it. “Thank you.”

Poe’s chin was tilted slightly and he was giving Jess a rather strange look, which she ignored in favor of clinking her own bottle with Finn’s. “So far we’ve only let Finn here take the gunner’s seat in a B-wing -”

“At which he excelled,” Poe said defensively, drawing a little closer to Finn. Jess continued speaking as if he hadn’t interrupted, which Finn knew was not an uncommon occurrence between the two of them.

“- but I hear you’ve got some serious piloting experience. Have you been up in an X-wing yet?”

The tops of Rey’s ears turned slightly pink but her face became more animated, more like the girl who’d flown the _Millennium Falcon_ through a crashed Star Destroyer over Finn’s protests and all common sense. “I don’t know if I’d say _serious_...”

Poe took Finn’s elbow and started to speak, but a voice calling from the dance floor caught his attention.

“Poe!” Snap’s waving arm appeared over the heads of two med techs Finn recognized. “You promised you’d show me that thing you learned from the dancer on the Lenthalis mission!”

Poe rolled his eyes and explained, “He’s trying to impress this new programmer who showed up on the last recruit transport. I promised I’d play wingman for a little while tonight.” Finn had a brief confusing impression that they were going to take the programmer flying before he realized it was a metaphor. He’d gotten a lot better at parsing figures of speech which had been uncommon among Order cadets, but Poe leaning in like this was incredibly distracting.

“Go ahead,” Finn told him, hoping he could regain a little equilibrium before Rey noticed. It was kind of miraculous that she hadn’t yet picked up on his state of hopeless infatuation regarding Poe, but then again she’d only been back for a few days and everything had been chaos during the relocation. Jess, of course, knew exactly why his palms were slippery on his beer bottle. To her credit she had only addressed it directly once, after Poe told a story about running into an old girlfriend on an undercover mission. She and Finn had gone on a trail run that afternoon; when they paused for a breather, she said quietly, “He dates men too, you know.” Then she’d taken off while he was sputtering water all over himself, beating him back to base by almost five minutes.

Poe smiled and squeezed Finn’s arm, his touch sparking up and down Finn’s bare skin. “I’ll see you later, buddy.” He backed away until he became swallowed up by the excitable crowd, though Finn could still make out his voice when he presumably found Snap: “Okay, you clumsy oaf, let me show you how it’s done…”

Giving himself a mental shake, Finn turned back to see that Rey had progressed even further out of her puffer-turtle shell. It seemed they’d moved on from flight maneuvers, as Jess was asking her what Luke Skywalker was really like. Finn was curious to hear more as well, since Skywalker had kept mainly to himself since his return. He made occasional contributions to the conversation and listened with about three-quarters of his attention, the rest being occupied with scanning the dance floor for Poe. He caught glimpses every few minutes; Poe was constantly in motion and usually laughing, and Finn felt a faint pressure low in his gut whenever he was laughing with someone Finn didn’t know.

Rey begged off early, citing a training session at the crack of dawn (which, it seemed, was Master Skywalker’s preferred hour of the day). But it wasn’t nearly as early as she’d threatened, and she looked somewhat regretful saying good night. Finn and Jess offered to walk her back to her room at the same moment, but she shook her head. 

“Thanks, but I think I’ll walk the grounds a bit before turning in. This is…” She gestured at the party at large, which was still going strong. Maybe even stronger, given the diminishing supplies of alcohol.

“A bit much?” Jess supplied with a grin. “I totally get it. But you’ll drop by the shop when you get a chance? I’d like your input on those sensor array modifications.”

Rey assured her that she would, then slipped an arm around Finn’s shoulders.

“See, I told you it’d be fun,” he said into her ear.

“Don’t be smug,” she replied, wrinkling her nose at him.

Jess watched her go and jostled the ice in her glass - at some point she’d swapped her beer for a cocktail. “You didn’t oversell her, Finn.”

“Of course I didn’t,” Finn said, offended. “She’s Rey. She took down Kylo Ren single-handed and brought Luke Skywalker back from legend. She’s amazing.”

Jess crunched down on an ice cube, looking thoughtful. “She’s something, all right. Listen, I’m going to talk to Kay for a bit, will you be okay on your own?”

“Sure.” He raised an eyebrow. According to Poe, Kaydel Connix and Jess had been off and on for about a year, though he was pretty sure they were off at the moment. It was hard to tell sometimes, since Connix didn’t mix with the pilots all that often. “Anything you want to share?”

Jess planted a hand on her hip and gave him a once-over. “You really want to have this conversation?”

“No,” Finn said quickly, downing the last of his beer.

As if on cue, Poe came bounding up to sling an arm around both of them. He replaced Finn’s empty bottle with a fresh one. “Got you another!”

Jess deftly extricated herself from his grasp, looking back over her shoulder to mouth _Thought so_ at Finn. 

“You owe me a dance,” Poe said, pulling away but catching hold of Finn’s hand, towing him in an inexorable wake.

Finn dug in his heels. He wanted more than anything to be drawn into Poe’s orbit - had wanted it for so long, so badly that the ache sometimes kept him up at night - but the thought of pressing against him in this stuffy, overcrowded room, surrounded by all these people...He’d hardly possessed a concept of privacy before he came here, but was it so wrong a thing to ask for?

Not that he was asking; not tonight, at any rate.

“Poe, I’m not really into dancing.” He lifted the bottle and took a long pull. “And someone just refreshed my drink, I’d like to enjoy it.”

Poe’s good-natured expression faltered a bit as he watched Finn swallow, but before he could get too broken up over it, Karé appeared out of nowhere to leap on his back.

“What the hell,” he muttered without any heat, bending forward to better take her weight.

“Hi, Finn.” She waggled her fingers at him, looking none too sober. “Poe, come _on_ , you left me out there with Iolo and you know he only has the one move.”

Poe sighed and grabbed at her dangling legs when she started to slip. “Be fair, it’s at least one and a half moves.” He glanced up at Finn from his load-bearing position. “You sure I can’t convince you?”

Even if Finn had been wavering, the sight of Karé leaving a smear of lipstick on Poe’s cheek would have decided him. 

“No, I’m good here,” he said, saluting them with his bottle. Poe looked disappointed, but he had Karé and who knew who else to cheer him up, Finn thought with more than a trace of bitterness.

As luck would have it, the dance floor was finally starting to thin out, providing him with a nearly unimpeded view of Poe and his admirers. Iolo did move rather stiffly, though he undoubtedly danced better than Finn would have. Karé, however, was as graceful in motion as she was in the air. She threw her arms around Poe’s neck, laughing as he rubbed at her lipstick and giving him a matching peck on the other side. Finn would always be grateful for how easily Poe’s friends had accepted him, and he usually got along just fine with Karé. But watching her dance with Poe - his hands on her waist, her head thrown back in time with the music, their hips twisting sinuously together - he felt like he might be sick.

It was jealousy, he knew, a jealousy he had no right to feel. But that didn’t stop him feeling it, or the simultaneous burn of hungry yearning that had kept him from turning away all night. 

Iolo stepped up behind Poe, saying something low in his ear, something that made him smirk and reach back to ruffle Iolo’s wispy hair. Karé tipped up on her toes to add her opinion. They had been flying with him practically forever, Finn knew, had left successful careers in the Republic navy to follow him to this cause.

He wondered suddenly if Poe had ever slept with either of them, or both of them (it was a euphemism he had only recently learned and didn’t entirely get). He wondered, and hated himself for it.

He was only on his second drink, but it tasted stale in his mouth and sour in the pit of his stomach. Turning, he stumbled out the doors. It was coming up on autumn on this world, its climate crisper and less humid than D’Qar, and breathing in the cool night air began to clear his head. He wished he could go for a run, but there was a curfew on while a team surveyed the surrounding area. The last thing he needed was some guard catching him sneaking off-base in the dead of night. Despite how hard he’d worked and the general’s reassurances, he knew there were some holdouts who would never trust a former enemy combatant.

Still, he managed to put a decent amount of space between himself and the building, a fact he only realized when he heard Poe calling his name.

“Finn, man, where are you going?”

Finn closed his eyes, steeling himself to turn around, to not be affected by Poe’s proximity or his stupid beautiful face or the way he looked at Finn like Finn was _worth_ something.

“I’m pretty beat,” he said, trying to keep his voice even. “You looked like you were having a good time in there, so I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Shrugging, Poe moved closer. Finn fought down an irrational urge to take a step back to match him. “I was, but I’m cool if you want to leave. I found out Pamich has a copy of that vid we were -”

“Look, why don’t you go back in? I’ll be fine, you don’t have to babysit me.”

Okay, maybe he wasn’t doing so great at the staying calm thing.

Poe blinked, taken aback. “I’m not…” He paused and his eyes narrowed. “Is this about you not wanting to dance?”

“I’m tired,” Finn said flatly, willing Poe to accept it and turn around. _Not tonight, I don’t want to do this tonight_ \- the same thing he had been telling himself for months.

“Finn,” Poe said slowly, “you know that was just dancing, right? With Karé and Snap and Lema, it doesn’t -”

“Didn’t look like it was just dancing.” Maybe he really was tired; he felt certain he could’ve kept the note of accusation from creeping into his voice in broad daylight.

Poe exhaled through his nose. “I mean, yeah, sometimes it turns into something more,” he said, running a hand through his hair. It didn’t look quite so perfect anymore, but that didn’t affect Finn wanting to touch it, to sink his fingers into Poe’s mussed hair and pull him in and -

“Never with those guys, I’ve known them way too long,” Poe was saying with a rueful expression. “But it’s always been casual, for me.”

A shudder ran through Finn like he’d take a stun-staff to the solar plexus. “You have every right to - to something more, and I’m certainly not going to stop you.”

Poe took another step and this time Finn did retreat without thinking about it, without anticipating the flash of hurt on Poe’s face. But under it he was determined, which was pretty much Poe Dameron’s default state. Finn should have known better than to believe he would let anything go so easily.

“Tonight,” he said, holding Finn’s gaze, “I was only dancing.”

With an effort Finn made himself turn away. “Well, I don’t know how to dance.”

“I could teach you.”

Poe’s voice was soft, barely carrying to his ears, and it rose at the end - not quite question, not quite hope.

Finn stood still for a moment, tracing a mountain peak in the distance. When he turned around, Poe was standing there with his hand outstretched, palm up. 

Crossing the distance between them in careful, deliberate strides, Finn took it.

Poe maintained a bit of that distance as he ushered Finn through a few basic steps. “Good,” he said with a nod, “keep watching my feet.” Finn only stepped on his toes once, and he felt fairly proud of this accomplishment.

“Could you…” He allowed himself only a moment of hesitation before shoring up his resolve and his nerve. Poe had held out his hand, after all. “Could you show me some of what you were doing earlier?”

He finally raised his head to find Poe gazing at him with such warmth and affection and tenderness that it stopped his breath. How could he not have seen this? Or, if he had seen it sometimes, a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of an eye because he was afraid to square his sight - _why_ had he been so afraid?

“Okay if I put my hands on your hips?” Poe asked, his voice a bit rough. It was nice to know he wasn’t the only one affected, Finn reflected as he remembered to breathe. Although he still didn’t trust himself to speak; he could only nod.

It was easier to follow his steps when they were closer. Poe gave him a word of warning before dipping him like he’d done with Karé (but more carefully, with one arm bracing his back because it might be healed but it would never be as flexible as it used to be). 

“Do it again?” Finn wasn’t expecting it and hadn’t been paying enough attention.

Poe grinned and complied, and this time Finn let himself relax and look up at the stars.

They were both laughing when Poe pulled him back up, pulled him into his arms. Finn’s left hand fetched up against his chest, curling in his shirt before Finn raised it to his neck, fingertips stroking the soft hairs behind his ear. 

There was music drifting up from the hall. Funny that Finn hadn’t noticed it before. He could make out the tune but only bits and pieces of the lyrics. Something about stealing time, he thought, just for one day. 

“Are we just dancing now?” Finn asked, even though they weren’t really dancing anymore, more swaying gently on their feet as if they’d forgotten the steps. Not a surprise considering Finn was on the verge of forgetting his own name - the name Poe had given him, without asking for anything in return.

“That depends on what you want,” Poe said, his palm firm at the base of Finn’s scarred spine.

No one had ever asked Finn what he wanted until he came here. Now he answered that question in one form or another several times a day. It had been overwhelming at first, always having to make a choice. Sometimes he still struggled with it. What did he want for breakfast; what shifts would he prefer on next month’s Medical schedule; what people and stories and hobbies would best fill up his free time - it never ended. But he also knew that he could live a thousand years and never take it for granted.

Finn had been kissed once. He’d been fifteen and a boy from another squad with whom he’d always argued had pulled him into a maintenance closet. Finn was expecting a fight; instead he got an inexpert but painfully earnest kiss. He pushed the boy away not because he didn’t like it, but because he was frightened by the sudden rush of desire in his blood. After that, whenever he resisted the urge until he couldn’t stand it any longer and had to touch himself, he thought about that kiss and that boy’s green eyes. It ended a year or so later when the boy (whose designation he could no longer remember) was mustered out for a similar indiscretion.

He had also kissed someone once. She was a comms officer with red hair and freckles, a few years older than he, not the prettiest girl who shared his lunch shift but rather the boldest. That was why he kissed her behind the kitchen ovens, and why she kissed him back. It was the day before his squad transferred to the _Finalizer_. In both of these instances, the kisses had been rushed and breathless and he’d ended it before it could go any further.

The kiss he shared with Poe was slow and sweet and it wasn’t clear who had started it. Finn searched for what he’d felt in the past: the confusion, the fear of punishment, the shame over wanting something he’d been taught all his life was a weakness. To his astonishment, he found nothing of the sort. All he could feel was Poe’s mouth on his, Poe’s arms around him, Poe’s heart beating against his breast. 

When they broke apart, Finn laughed with the release. He wasn’t naive enough to believe he was completely free of those burdens, but he knew now they wouldn’t rule him.

Poe, on the other hand, looked completely wrecked. Finn thought that maybe this was the first time all his charm and confidence had failed him, and remembered Rey’s admonition about being smug.

“Finn,” he whispered hoarsely, touching Finn’s lips. 

“It’s okay,” Finn said, kissing him again. He laid his head down on Poe’s shoulder and they danced a little more, looking up at the night sky of a new world.

**Author's Note:**

>  _I, I can remember (I remember)_  
>  Standing, by the wall (by the wall)  
> And the guns shot above our heads  
> (over our heads)  
> And we kissed,  
> as though nothing could fall  
> (nothing could fall)  
> And the shame was on the other side  
> Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever  
> Then we could be heroes,  
> just for one day
> 
> (Bonus Bowie, and I don't care if it doesn't belong in a galaxy far far away. If any music could hop across galaxies and parallel universes, it would be his.)
> 
> Next up: Velvet Goldmine, and yes, that is a euphemism that Finn probably doesn't understand.


End file.
